On aging. It’s pretty complicated.
Over the past five or so years I’ve noticed an uptick in my own aging - particularly in my face. I know it’s inevitable and we all kind of brace ourselves for these changes, particularly as we enter into the late 30’s — early 40’s era of our life’s trajectory. But what the heck! It is SO INTENSE to watch your face change right before your eyes.
Somehow I can approach the changes in my face over time with my eyes wide open, there’s no wincing or looking away. I face it head on, curious, amazed. On the other hand - I was definitely not prepared for the emotional aspect of this shift. In my mind the physical aspect can be addressed and that allows me to almost (major emphasis on this word here, folks) ALMOST see my aging objectively. My physical shifts can be treated with the obvious heavy hitters: SPF (and avoiding full-face sun exposure when possible), quality active ingredients, hydration, regular facials, a peel once a year, a little botox or filler if it seems right, supplements for building collagen and maintaining water weight.
Emotionally though, it feels like I’m kind of screwed. It’s so intense to stare in the mirror and watch your entire life as you know it change. I know this sounds dramatic - but from my perspective, this hasn’t been super easy and it seems like people are just expected to suck it up and deal. From my perspective this though process often leads to over reacting (lots and lots of filler, harsh chemicals, surgery etc). I know enough by now to understand that the external stuff (the products, the treatments, the stupid botox - which really jacks up my face and doesn’t look natural at all on me) is not going to solve a problem that stems from thoughts, conditioning, insecurities, definitions of beauty standards etc. The real work has to be done in my mind and in my heart.
Aging is really is the ultimate test of self acceptance and it’s an amazing tool for spiritual growth. In some ways I feel so much more beautiful and confident now then I did in my 20’s - when I partied a lot and my cheeks were always so red and puffy from booze and lack of sleep and too much sun. These days, I’ve pulled it together and understand that my body craves balance and a conscious approach to skincare as well as overall health/wellbeing. But when I see more lines appearing and my first reaction is to fill them in with a neurotoxin - I know that I still have more work to do in this space. And it’s only going to get more intense as continue to age.
Bottom line: I definitely do not have this figured out. I know I’m not alone in this and that the collective out there is all nodding their heads in agreement. Aging is a test on lots of levels. I’m not trying to boil the ocean here though, I just want to look cute for a longtime to come, okay! Is that too much to ask?